Talking to your Child about Sex​

Focus on Your Overall Relationship
While parents often think about "the talk" as an infrequent experience, the truth is that the quality of our relationships with our kids is the best determiner about how well we communicate about sex or anything else. Focus your energies on spending quality time and developing an honest, trusting and open relationship. 
Understand Your Own Attitudes and Values
This can be tough because our attitudes about sex are just not something we think about regularly. Before you initiate a discussion about sex, take some time and identify your values. Write down a list of messages you want your children to understand about sex. This is a pretty good way of identifying your values. For example, such a statement might be "Sex is one important component of a permanent, committed and trusting relationship" or "teens that have sex must take responsibility for their actions." Just listing these messages is a good exercise in understanding what you think and feel about sex. 
Put it in a Relationship Context
In the world in which we live, there are many messages about sex that tend to isolate it from its true context. A few episodes of Friends or Sex in the City suggest that media messages disassociate sex from relationships. Help your children understand that sex is not an isolated experience. It follows from commitment in a relationship. 
Give Accurate but Age Appropriate Information
 An important part of communicating with your children about sex is giving them       accurate information. But it is also important to give information which is appropriate for your child's age. Giving clinical information about sexual arousal shouldn't be part of a discussion with a five year old. 
Relax
For some reason, parents tend to get a little nervous when discussing sex with their children. If you feel uncomfortable, prepare yourself and then take a few deep breaths. Remember that this is just a normal part of being a parent.
Talk About Responsibility and Consequences
Any discussion of sex should involve a discussion about responsibility. When you tell your son or daughter about sex, remind them that every action has consequences. This is not to scare them; rather it is to help them understand the end result of their choices. Any sexual contact has risks-things like pregnancy, disease, or strong emotional reactions. 
Encourage Questions
Keeping the lines of communication open is critical in this process. Some of what you say may elicit clarifying questions. Their exposure to sexual information at school, in the neighborhood or in the media may generate some questions as well. Be open and communicative and invite them to ask you when they have a question. 

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