Peer Pressure and Bullying
The Influence of Peer Pressure
All of us have had the experience of trying to "fit in" and "be accepted" by a group of peers. For school-aged children, especially those approaching adolescence, there is enormous pressure to be liked and to have friends. Building relationships with peers and being included in social functions, such as birthday parties, sleep-overs, or other special events, is very important to your child's developing sense of self.
Unfortunately, your child's growing interest in relationships with others outside of the home has potential risks. The exposure of children to smoking, alcohol and other more harmful drugs, as well as illegal activities, is happening earlier and earlier today. While it is frightening to acknowledge that you, as a parent, cannot protect your child from every situation, it is helpful to know that there are ways to assist your child in resisting the influence of negative peer pressure. Shifting your role to that of a coach and offering guidance on how to respond to difficult situations can be helpful.
Following are some solicitations (S) that your children are likely to encounter, along with some assertive responses (R) that you could share with them.
S. "Go ahead and have a toke. What's the matter, are you scared?"
R. "You must think I'm pretty stupid to fall for that line. It takes a lot more guts to do your own thing."
S. "Come on, all the cool kids smoke."
R. "Maybe the kids who smoke think they're cool, but if they really were cool, they wouldn't have to try so hard!"
S. "Hey, I'm your friend. Would I steer you wrong?"
R. "Friends are people who like you for who you are. If you really are my friend, you'll respect my feelings."
S. "Do you want everyone to think you're not with it?
R. "Sure I care with other kids think of me, but if they base their opinions on stuff like drinking, their opinions are not worth very much."
S. "I bet you're just scared your parents will find out."
R. "I would not blame my parents for getting angry. How can I expect them to treat me like an adult if I sneak around and act like a kid?"
Warning Signs of Bullying
The following are some red flags that might indicate that your chlid is a victim of bullying:
Mysterious injuries or missing items/money Don't assume bruises, a missing jacket or unpaid money for school supplies/lunches are the result of carelessness.
Refusal to go to school, pattern of tardiness or inexplicable falling grades There may be reasons why your child is afraid to go to school, other than unfinished homework.
Changes in behaviour, such as increased fearfulness/anxiety or the appearance of uncharacteristic preoccupations Unusual changes in behaviour always merit attention. Has your child become unusually shy, withdraw or non-communicative?
Uncharacteristic school-related behaviours These could include arriving at school early, leaving late, avoiding common areas (social gathering places), choosing not to participate in activities, or staying inside at recess or lunch.
Talking back Victims often feel helpless to deal with what really is bothering them. They feel powerless to 'battle' the real enemy, so others often become the target. This striking out is often at parents and teachers.
Lack of friends or completely new circle of friends Children with a solid group of decent friends are less likely to be unhappy and isolated, and as such, they are less vulnerable to bullying. Those who have trouble socializing because of a lack of skill need assistance. Note: a completely new social circle may indicate problems. Withdrawal from the old group could indicate exclusion and related problems. A completely new group might indicate that a price has been paid to avoid bullying, and perhaps, your child is now part of an aggressor group.
Loss of appetite, sleeping problems (nightmares), excessive secretiveness These can signal a depressed or unhappy child, who is a prime target for bullies seeking out the vulnerable. As well, these signs may indicate that something else is going on right now.
Note: there can be very legitimate reasons why your child would display some of the aforementioned behaviours. It is important, however, to be alert to something more going on and to assess the situation thoroughly.
All of us have had the experience of trying to "fit in" and "be accepted" by a group of peers. For school-aged children, especially those approaching adolescence, there is enormous pressure to be liked and to have friends. Building relationships with peers and being included in social functions, such as birthday parties, sleep-overs, or other special events, is very important to your child's developing sense of self.
Unfortunately, your child's growing interest in relationships with others outside of the home has potential risks. The exposure of children to smoking, alcohol and other more harmful drugs, as well as illegal activities, is happening earlier and earlier today. While it is frightening to acknowledge that you, as a parent, cannot protect your child from every situation, it is helpful to know that there are ways to assist your child in resisting the influence of negative peer pressure. Shifting your role to that of a coach and offering guidance on how to respond to difficult situations can be helpful.
Following are some solicitations (S) that your children are likely to encounter, along with some assertive responses (R) that you could share with them.
S. "Go ahead and have a toke. What's the matter, are you scared?"
R. "You must think I'm pretty stupid to fall for that line. It takes a lot more guts to do your own thing."
S. "Come on, all the cool kids smoke."
R. "Maybe the kids who smoke think they're cool, but if they really were cool, they wouldn't have to try so hard!"
S. "Hey, I'm your friend. Would I steer you wrong?"
R. "Friends are people who like you for who you are. If you really are my friend, you'll respect my feelings."
S. "Do you want everyone to think you're not with it?
R. "Sure I care with other kids think of me, but if they base their opinions on stuff like drinking, their opinions are not worth very much."
S. "I bet you're just scared your parents will find out."
R. "I would not blame my parents for getting angry. How can I expect them to treat me like an adult if I sneak around and act like a kid?"
Warning Signs of Bullying
The following are some red flags that might indicate that your chlid is a victim of bullying:
Mysterious injuries or missing items/money Don't assume bruises, a missing jacket or unpaid money for school supplies/lunches are the result of carelessness.
Refusal to go to school, pattern of tardiness or inexplicable falling grades There may be reasons why your child is afraid to go to school, other than unfinished homework.
Changes in behaviour, such as increased fearfulness/anxiety or the appearance of uncharacteristic preoccupations Unusual changes in behaviour always merit attention. Has your child become unusually shy, withdraw or non-communicative?
Uncharacteristic school-related behaviours These could include arriving at school early, leaving late, avoiding common areas (social gathering places), choosing not to participate in activities, or staying inside at recess or lunch.
Talking back Victims often feel helpless to deal with what really is bothering them. They feel powerless to 'battle' the real enemy, so others often become the target. This striking out is often at parents and teachers.
Lack of friends or completely new circle of friends Children with a solid group of decent friends are less likely to be unhappy and isolated, and as such, they are less vulnerable to bullying. Those who have trouble socializing because of a lack of skill need assistance. Note: a completely new social circle may indicate problems. Withdrawal from the old group could indicate exclusion and related problems. A completely new group might indicate that a price has been paid to avoid bullying, and perhaps, your child is now part of an aggressor group.
Loss of appetite, sleeping problems (nightmares), excessive secretiveness These can signal a depressed or unhappy child, who is a prime target for bullies seeking out the vulnerable. As well, these signs may indicate that something else is going on right now.
Note: there can be very legitimate reasons why your child would display some of the aforementioned behaviours. It is important, however, to be alert to something more going on and to assess the situation thoroughly.
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toll free 1.800.667.0993
french toll free 1.800.561.1128
TTY 1.888.234.0414
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