Intimacy in Relationships
Healthy relationships are based upon a variety of factors, including compatibility, expressivity, commitment, absence of conflict, structure, affection, and sexuality. All of these factors impact the quality of intimacy experienced in a relationship - and intimacy is one of the most important features of a successful relationship. Complete the following exercise to assess the degree of intimacy experienced by you and your partner in your own relationship.
Remember, the point of this exercise is to facilitate communication between you and your partner as to the facets of intimacy you currently share and the facets of intimacy you would like to further develop.
Remember, the point of this exercise is to facilitate communication between you and your partner as to the facets of intimacy you currently share and the facets of intimacy you would like to further develop.
Instructions:
- Individually: On a scale of 1-12, rank each of the 12 facets of intimacy according to its importance to you. 1 Being Most important; 12 Being Least important.
- Individually: On a scale of 0-10, rate your degree of satisfaction with each facet in your relationship currently 0 Being Very low; 10 Being Very high.
- Together, share your results.
12 Facets of Intimacy Assessment
Recreational Intimacy
Sharing experiences of recreational fun, sports, hobbies; sharing ways of refilling the wells of energy, leisure.
Sharing experiences of recreational fun, sports, hobbies; sharing ways of refilling the wells of energy, leisure.
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Rank Importance: 1-12 (Most-Least)
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Rank Satisfaction: 0-10 (Low-High)
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Intellectual Intimacy
Sharing the world of ideas; a genuine connection between partners based on mutual respect for each other's intellectual capacities (reading, discussing, studying, etc.)
Sharing the world of ideas; a genuine connection between partners based on mutual respect for each other's intellectual capacities (reading, discussing, studying, etc.)
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Rank Importance: 1-12 (Most-Least)
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Rank Satisfaction: 0-10 (Low-High)
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Work Intimacy
Sharing common tasks; supporting each other in bearing responsibilities (raising family, household chores, etc.)
Sharing common tasks; supporting each other in bearing responsibilities (raising family, household chores, etc.)
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Rank Importance: 1-12 (Most-Least)
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Rank Satisfaction: 0-10 (Low-High)
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Commitment Intimacy
Togetherness derived from dedication to a common cause, value (ie. working for a political cause)
Togetherness derived from dedication to a common cause, value (ie. working for a political cause)
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Rank Importance: 1-12 (Most-Least)
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Rank Satisfaction: 0-10 (Low-High)
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Aesthetic Intimacy
Sharing experiences of beauty: music, nature, art, theater, dance, movies.
Sharing experiences of beauty: music, nature, art, theater, dance, movies.
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Rank Importance: 1-12 (Most-Least)
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Rank Satisfaction: 0-10 (Low-High)
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Communication Intimacy
Being honest, trusting, truthful, loving; giving constructive feedback; positive confrontation.
Being honest, trusting, truthful, loving; giving constructive feedback; positive confrontation.
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Rank Importance: 1-12 (Most-Least)
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Rank Satisfaction: 0-10 (Low-High)
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Emotional Intimacy
Depth awareness and sharing of significant meanings and feelings; the touching of the innermost selves of two human beings.
Depth awareness and sharing of significant meanings and feelings; the touching of the innermost selves of two human beings.
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Rank Importance: 1-12 (Most-Least)
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Rank Satisfaction: 0-10 (Low-High)
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Creative Intimacy
Helping each other to grow, to be co-creators (not "reformers") of each other.
Helping each other to grow, to be co-creators (not "reformers") of each other.
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Rank Importance: 1-12 (Most-Least)
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Rank Satisfaction: 0-10 (Low-High)
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Sexual Intimacy
Sensual-emotional satisfaction; the experience of sharing and self-adandon in the physical merging of two persons; fantasies and desires.
Sensual-emotional satisfaction; the experience of sharing and self-adandon in the physical merging of two persons; fantasies and desires.
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Rank Importance: 1-12 (Most-Least)
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Rank Satisfaction: 0-10 (Low-High)
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Crisis Intimacy
Standing together in the major and minor tragedies which persist in life; closeness in coping with problems and pain.
Standing together in the major and minor tragedies which persist in life; closeness in coping with problems and pain.
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Rank Importance: 1-12 (Most-Least)
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Rank Satisfaction: 0-10 (Low-High)
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Spiritual Intimacy
The "we-ness" of sharing ultimate concerns, the meanings of life, philosophies, religious experience.
The "we-ness" of sharing ultimate concerns, the meanings of life, philosophies, religious experience.
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Rank Importance: 1-12 (Most-Least)
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Rank Satisfaction: 0-10 (Low-High)
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Conflict Intimacy
Standing up with/to each other; facing and struggling with differences together; "fighting".
Standing up with/to each other; facing and struggling with differences together; "fighting".
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Rank Importance: 1-12 (Most-Least)
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Rank Satisfaction: 0-10 (Low-High)
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(Source: Clinebell and Clinebell, 1970).