A Guide to Parenting: Do's, Don'ts and Myths​

What are some dos and don't for parents of adolescents?

Do's, Don'ts and Myths
  • Do examine all family rules in terms of those that are essential and those that are non-essential; those that are enforceable and those that are non-enforceable.  Keep only those that are enforceable and essential.
  • Don't avoid disciplining or fear saying "no." 
  • Do practice negotiating.  Aside from safety and health concerns, rigid rules are no longer appropriate. 
  • Don't attempt to fence in your adolescent with an elaborate system of regulations.
  • Do let your teen take responsibility for his or her own issues.
  • Don't provide or allow excuses for inappropriate behaviour. Don't procure special favours for your adolescent or bail him/her out of difficulties.
  • Do reinforce the positive often; when you see growth, recognize it.
  • Don't expect consistency (only hope for it). 
  • Do devote enough time and energy to your adolescent and make the effort to keep up with his/her world.
  • Don't criticize your adolescent's friends.
  • Do give your adolescent a sense of involvement with the family and encourage participation in family problem solving sessions.
  • Don't discount the unique views or perspectives your adolescent expresses in the family context.
  • Do model 1) organizing your time effectively; 2) setting priorities and goals; 3) taking care of responsibilities before having fun.
  • Don't compare your adolescent with others.
  • Do express your support and love as much as possible when appropriate. (Make a clear distinction between the need to discipline and the unconditional love which underscores your parental responsibilities.) 
  • Don't lecture.  
  • Do recognize your adolescent as a separate individual, not as an extension of yourself or your hopes. 
  • Don't pry into your adolescent's privacy.
  • Do look at your own life issues.  (How fulfilling is your life, your relationships?  Are you pursuing your goals and aspirations or are you blaming your frustrations on your adolescent?) 
  • Don't take things personally. Learn to soothe your anxieties so that while your child is figuring things out, you feel settled, confident and non-reactive. 
  • Do keep your sense of humour.
  • Don't embarrass your adolescent. 
Myth: Teenagers are influenced by overall social pressures.
​Fact:  They are generally more influenced by their friends. 
Myth: There is an increased distancing from parents.
Fact:   Most teens maintain close ties with parents. 
Myth: There is a decrease in parental influence.
Fact:   Despite rebelliousness and independence on many minor issues, there is most often a continued reliance on parents for advice and support on major issues. 
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